Tuesday, June 3, 2014

So Close, Yet So Divided

This entry is going to be a little different than previous ones, but as always I feel it in my heart to share my journey. It's been almost a year since I've taken the stance of AntiPornography which has opened a multitude of learning experiences. I've researched a lot of information, listened a lot of interviews, read a lot of articles, and just observed things from both sides of the debate. I consider myself to be a student of life meaning that with each day there is something new to learn and I doubt that it ever ends until we draw our last breath. Over the last few years, especially the past week prior to typing this entry, I have sadly learned that people are more divided now than I have ever thought possible. I understand that we each have our own unique differences. It's really the one thing that makes us individually special, but unfortunately humanity has succumbed to generalization and convenient truths. I say this from observing the way people treat each other whether in person or through social media. The specific event involved me had to do with suggestive and even pornographic-type images seen by adolescents stating that pornography only helps spread the worst interpretation on humanity. With feeling passionate about the subject to someone else's disapproval, the result came to insults directed at my post. It seems to be the only resort for someone to make their point. 
"Me: Porn is one of many issues we face. You may disagree, I have to call a spade a spade. Reason being is that it is the indirect cause of what is claimed to have no links to: prostitution, child porn, and sex trafficking. Even though they are "consenting” to what they're doing they are contributing to that issue. Now not all porn stars are being mistreated and genuinely want to be there, but what about the ones that aren't so lucky? If there is abuse taken place on camera do u hear about other porn stars speaking out for them? No, but they will surely speak out the condom regulation to help prevent another STD outbreak. Where were they when a girl who "consented" to "rough sex" got choked unconscious on camera and told to keep going after passing out for 10 seconds? If there are those on the current roster who speak up for other performers it's next to not at all. Sometime ago I compared porn to tobacco. Here's why. One affects you physically, the other psychologically. They both seem cool at first, but after a while you get dependent on them. You may need a smoke just for stress. Same thing with fapping to porn and it's possible that it can get out of hand. (Pun intended) Smoking leads to cancer. Porn leads to dependency just get it up even to the point your partner isn't enough for you and it never seems to be enough. That's why you consume more porn and it's even linked to some cases erectile dysfunction which a lot of the time is just in the person's head. Whether u want to believe it or not, porn is a recreational drug these days. You can get a high from it just like a drug and you can overdose your mind as well as your penis and I don't mean ejaculating. Ask anyone who can't function during the day without looking at porn first."
"User1: +FallenMarvel And so you're under the delusion that a little thing called a human sex drive doesn't actually do anything if it wasn't for that nasty ole porn? As for sexual "addiction", nobody reputable in psychology even believes that it exists. If someone thinks porn is evil, they will fantasize that some "demon" must be making them enjoy it, when actually it's just their normal human sex drive, and their own rejected nature and their own enjoyment having a cognitive dissonant battle. Then the edicts of their sick religion can breed a fear-fascination about it that amplifies it for a time with hilarious results, when if they just gave up their belief in that religion they'd find they were cured  and that the sex they want is quite normal. Yes yes, those people who simply must eat breakfast before going to work are surely addicted to food, uh-huh."
"Me: U missed the point. To say people don't have sex drives is to say people don't have lungs. This is not based off the concept of religion. The point is to examine the things that influence the direction a sex drive will take especially since we have a society that's very image driven and at times lead to perverse perceptions. First of all, people can get addictions to anything, even to things that don't make sense, like food. Just because some skeptics want to discredit its existence because they can't understand or experience it doesn't mean it's not there. That's like saying oxygen doesn't exist because we can't see it abs breathe nothingness. You can't compare skepticism with someone's personal experience. My own experiences with porn and life in general has allowed me to observe the world we live in with a clear eye so my "delusion", as u politely put it, is nonexistent. To quote one of my favorite lines, "you wanna play blind man? Go walk with the shepherd. But me, my eyes are wide f****** open."

I pretty much expected this would happen sooner or later because someone is always going to be in opposition. I've seen it happen for years. The difference is that there's no respect for another person's opinion anymore. If it clashes with a belief that someone has already made up in their mind then the other person is wrong and irrelevant and should apply to everyone else. As I said at the beginning of this entry, there are people who are comfortable with a convenient truth instead of diving deeper into the cause. Then there is the generalization of an argument. Apparently, since people can be susceptible to becoming addicts to a particular thing, in my case of the debate being porn, I was automatically put into a box of overzealous religious ideologies.

"User2: So you're saying that food and porn can have the same neurological effect on the brain as narcotics? That, with enough exposure to food and porn, your brain will stop naturally producing certain neurotransmitters in response to an overabundance of artificial equivalents? Because this is how chemical dependency works. Cocaine fills your brain with so many fake endorphins (the neurotransmitter for that allows you to feel happiness) that your brain decides to stop making its own in order to compensate. So suddenly when you stop using cocaine, you have 0 ability to feel happy at all, and in order to feel good at all, you must use cocaine.Now, eating and orgasms produce endorphins too, but I haven't seen any research that says it's on the same absurd levels as cocaine - to the point that your brain stops making its own (and you, as a side effect, lose the ability to feel happiness unless you are eating or having sex). In fact, it's probably just enough to stave off depression. The endorphins caused by these actions exist to encourage us to do them again, and we are biologically (on a genetic level) predisposed to do them. That is to say, if you have no sexual gratification and don't eat food, you will be less happy. Of course, if you don't eat, you'll die. If you don't have sex, the species will die (as far as your body is concerned), so this food/sex dependency to have normal levels of happiness is actually a survival tactic. Quite the ingenious one, at that, and I wager that if not for it, we wouldn't be here.Produce some research that says sex/food create the same chemical dependency as cocaine and I'll change my tune, but until then I can only say that you are making light of drug addiction, and that anyone who has ever suffered drug addiction would probably think you're laughably naive."

"Me: Exactly where did I make light of drug addictions just by stating that people can become addicted to food as well as porn? Any kind of addiction is problematic. Myself as well as close friends of mine have gone without fathers because of drug use. Either way I don't know how you've come to that invalid assumption as if I mean to say deprivation is the answer. What is needed is a reworking of the current model because it's not benefiting anyone. Eradicating porn isn't a cure all either, but proper conditions, representation, and portrayal need to be universal if this continues to be a legitimate business. There's plenty of scientific research being done on these kinds of addictions. All you have to do is use Google. Porn addiction is currently being researched, but not officially diagnosed as a behavior disorder similar to how the early research of PTSD was. What makes porn addiction unique is because it's relatively new with the rise of the Internet age over the last decade where everything is a click away. The thing is there's plenty of extreme forms of porn out there that I've regrettably seen in the last half of my life and it seems to be the most popular. The only behavior disorder officially recognized is gambling. It's not "official" on paper, but is there any less risk of compulsive behavior? The debate is hot on the subject right now, but you cannot deny the amount of people who seek help whether it's some type of counseling, therapy, etc. It's always possible for things to be taken to the extreme and most of the images porn and some advertisements put out don't help the situation. Don't believe me? Go to the links below and tell me I'm wrong."

Those who I am closest to would consider me quite the optimist. Sometimes I feel it to be a bit of a curse. At times I would ask myself if I was too optimistic or are other people just not optimistic enough. In the end, I always try to look for the good in humanity because at the end of the day we are all that we have. We spend too much time trying to make ourselves more important than each other to fully see that. The thing I realized is that pornography isn't the primary problem. It's only part of a growing issue that needs to be talked through. The core of the problem is the division between people. We are put into different ‘boxes’ and social classes as if one matters more than the others and humanity has fallen for it. There's a lot more finger pointing than personal reflection going on. I now have to ask, when did we start focusing so much on self-preservation and forgetting to help each other? When did I not matter because I don’t fall into a certain criteria?

"User1: Your claim of anything being a potential addiction and you can't tell by looking reminds me an awful lot of "It's dirty, I know it when I see it". What is true is not that what is seen is dirty, but that the mind of that viewer is dirty, In other words, you'll imagine it is an addiction if someone claims it is because they need an excuse for it. They're lying and you're believing the lie because you have ulterior motive to do so, And so do they."
"Me: You say that I imagined what I've dealt with because of what someone claims just to make an excuse. Nice theory, but you are not inside my head nor can you solidify the claim that all people who deal with it uses it as an excuse. If you want to say that my personal experiences are based on a lie that I've made myself believe just to satisfy whatever stance you take on it then go right ahead if you think have addiction figured out. If that's the case then why aren't all addicts (no matter what it is) able recover on their own? Everyone wants to generalize something to make it seem less important than it is. Unless you can read a person's mind you can't begin to understand what their experiences are unless you've been through it yourself. If what I said is based on some ulterior motive, as you say, then it's a motive of wanting humanity to be fully respected and not treat each other like shit on the street. Don't get it twisted. The problem is on one side you have people who treat sex in general like it's a taboo and avoid talking it out and on the other you have people who choose to take it to the extreme to prove what can be done. There doesn't seem to be a common ground found between the sides and it breeds more chaos. If people spent less time at each other’s throats they could find a resolution that benefits everyone, but everyone wants to remain self-righteous and self-entitled that the debate goes nowhere in the end. My stance isn't based on my religion or because of what a few people claim because I look at what both sides have to say so once again your claim is invalid. My stance is because I'm Pro Human above all else. Bottom line people are flawed. Instead of tearing people down we need to build them up."
There are far too many of us on this planet to be that selfish. We only have one world and we all live in it together. Nothing is going to be gained if we continue to belittle each other because of differences whether it’s where you’re from or what you believe in. I respect the beliefs of others as long as it’s not a message of superiority or violence. The moment you start to believe that you or your opinion matters more than another person then you are already losing before you even begin. Honestly, it hurts my spirit to know that we do treat each other this way just for some personal gratification and if that labels me na├»ve then so be it. Maybe the world could use more naivety towards humanity. 
“User1: People who believe crap like religion are apt to believe any other crap in support of that delusion. If they feel ashamed around sex they will think it's sex that's evil, instead what they think about it being stupid.  When they find themselves wanting to do things their religion doesn't like they will think some demon is trying to take them over, when it's only their natural drives doing battle with their religious stupidity. And there's nothing as extreme and out of control than someone who has been repressed feeling released from that, only to begin his guilt-shame cycle again when his drives are sated.  "Addicts" can't recover because they see themselves as helpless addicts and their addiction as the Debbil. Their shame from their mistreatment in their upbringing demeans them and makes them feel helpless. If they could let go of their fixation about their demon they would naturally be distracted by other pursuits. Ask yourself why everyone isn't a sex addict, and why the craziest extreme sex scandals happen to those most frightened of them, like born-again ministers on TV.  The truth is that addictions are not about substances or practices alleged to be addictive, they are about the shitty thinking in your head that makes you subject to a guilt-shame cycle about otherwise normal sensations and experiences.. It's like an itch. If you leave it be it will get better, if you dig at it you will make a sore. The itch is normal, the sore is your fault.”
“Me: Again you are generalizing. Not every interpretation of why a person gives up porn has to do with religion. There are people who don't have a religion that have given up porn for whatever reason they came to that decision so this idea that every person has to "pray the sex demon away" to give up porn doesn't apply to everyone. You are speaking as if everyone is on the same level of thinking and the reality of that is false. A lack of understanding of anything can be a missing piece of an important puzzle. People do need to open their eyes and minds that there isn't just one conclusion to a problem because it's never that simple with humanity as history has shown us and s******* on someone's faith is not going to help matters at all. All that's gonna do is put more fuel on the fire which is the fear of what is not understood. If there's no respect given then there's none earned and that applies to both sides of the debate. There's more understanding of the human condition that's needs to be had. If people had more understanding of themselves then addictions would be nonexistent, but apparently it's not the case. It's natural for someone to have guilt or shame for something they did. Even rape victims feel shame for themselves. That doesn't mean every person runs and hides from their shame forever. In time, some are able to embrace their mistakes and in turn train themselves to avoid making more. Now, I'm gonna wrap up this exchange between us because it's honestly become time consuming and exhausting. Scratching itches are inevitable. If someone isn't taught to not aggravate the itch how will they know that leaving it alone will be the answer? 9 times out 10 it's not figured out until later. Even a sore can heal from scratching it, but if it becomes infected you're gonna need to take extra measures to cure the infection. Bottom line, it's never that simple to play the blame game because you've already made it up in your mind that it doesn't have any merit TO YOU, therefore not to anyone else. Your reality doesn't belong to anyone else, but you and I, mine. If I learned anything is this life thus far is that no one's life is the same nor are their interpretations. Misrepresentation gives birth to confusion and in that confusion people tend to draw their conclusions from that confusion. Reality has many layers. There's never just one and probably will never be just one. Regardless of how much knowledge someone supposedly has, they don't have all the answers because we are all flawed. Period. “
“User1: Your name should be equivocation (Definition: the use of vague or ambiguous and sometimes misleading language; an invalid conclusion based on statements in which one term has two different meanings). Your notion that people just "naturally" feel shame for sex is purest nonsense. You are merely reflecting the religious bias of someone pretending that secular normalcy parallels your religion, failing to recall that your religion bent the secular world to its purposes. Your form of crypto-christianity is found even among atheists who are embarrassed on nude beaches. Why are they? They have no reason to be, but they have been brainwashed with unacknowledged Christian foibles by the society whose religion they detest.”

I must again make mention of those convenient truths. When it comes to research on various topics, especially when it comes to compulsive disorders, no one wants to acknowledge something if it’s not made “official on paper”. If anything has proven true over countless years and countless hours of research is that the inner workings of humanity are never simple. If you really think about it most of the things we know about are based on theories. Some become truth and others are just considered another theory. Humans are the most complicated creatures on planet Earth. That statement can be considered a theory, but based on your experiences being around other human beings does that statement sound more or less true to you? Experiences in life are our greatest teachers and we inevitably fall sometimes. Either we will be brave enough to learn from those experiences and grow as a person or just accept life as is and continue making the same mistakes. No one is exempt from making a mistakes. Even knowing that I continue doing what I need to do to improve things in my life. Some people get that confused with trying to better than other people. That’s not how it works no one is better than anyone. People face different circumstances and hardships. That makes them less fortunate than you, not worth less. My love for humanity encouraged me to make this entry as well as the pain I feel of how divided we are. I only hope the next generation succeeds where we have apparently failed. I still continue to the encouragement and hope will put aside petty differences. There’s been too much fighting and infighting that has gotten us absolutely nowhere. We have to do better. All of us.